e-mail: zachpaez at gmail dot com aim: zachpaez funny Things You Shouldn’t Recycle NO Oh, megle, when will you learn? World’s Oldest Person Dies Lolmurderers Tumblr (3.0; @zachpaez)http://zachpaez.com/<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv4nywvWQE1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://zachpaez.com/post/13213643822http://zachpaez.com/post/13213643822Wed, 23 Nov 2011 11:11:19 -0800<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq1chth7V31qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>My roommate took this picture of himself trying to pet the cat that lives with us. This photo pretty much captures what she’s like all the time. She’s an asshole.</p> <p>Don’t worry. I’m not gonna kick her out or anything. But I’m going to make her start paying rent.</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/9012527179http://zachpaez.com/post/9012527179Tue, 16 Aug 2011 15:14:00 -0700<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llil4x68zH1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>by Erik Fountain</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/5677079257http://zachpaez.com/post/5677079257Fri, 20 May 2011 15:00:33 -0700<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljv357wYoc1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>How to write TV</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/4723810522http://zachpaez.com/post/4723810522Mon, 18 Apr 2011 11:53:31 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lhm5oe8pj51qzp7lwo1_r1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>OMG! Look what Banksy did to this mountain!!</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/3726311323http://zachpaez.com/post/3726311323Tue, 08 Mar 2011 11:23:47 -0800<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgz59rsJ1L1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I love the movie Say Anything. My favorite part is when Frasier’s dad forgets to take his clothes off while taking a bath. He also forgets to turn the water on. LOL! The writing on Frasier is so smart!</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/3487149633http://zachpaez.com/post/3487149633Thu, 24 Feb 2011 11:35:00 -0800<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lgsa4qMPwd1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>You know this guy only got his job because of his dad.</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/3351365629http://zachpaez.com/post/3351365629Thu, 17 Feb 2011 14:53:53 -0800<img src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfv79zGsvZ1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>I have to live with this floozy.</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/3034080210http://zachpaez.com/post/3034080210Mon, 31 Jan 2011 11:17:06 -0800<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9fe33AC3f1qzp7lwo1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://zachpaez.com/post/1200483818http://zachpaez.com/post/1200483818Mon, 27 Sep 2010 14:52:00 -0700<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8qq7mAbpO1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>When I laugh, I make a very shrill, high pitched cackle. Sort of like Roseanne, but sans the hundreds of pounds and vagina. It can be embarrassing.</p> <p>During the rehearsal of my first episode of <em>Community</em> I was cackling pretty hard and this annoyed Chevy. The following is my nervous exchange between myself and Mr. Chase.</p> <p><strong>Chevy:</strong> Why are you laughing?<br/><strong>Me:</strong> …<br/><strong>Chevy:</strong> You think this is funny?<strong><br/>Me:</strong> Yes.<strong><br/>Chevy:</strong> Didn’t you write this?<strong><br/>Me:</strong> Yes.<strong><br/>Chevy:</strong> Then you must think that everything you write is hilarious.<strong><br/>Me:</strong> Yes.</p> <p>The End</p> <p>He’s taller than me, so he wins.</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/1122570473http://zachpaez.com/post/1122570473Tue, 14 Sep 2010 14:03:00 -0700<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l51zaztKCP1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://zachpaez.com/post/770480127http://zachpaez.com/post/770480127Sun, 04 Jul 2010 14:49:00 -0700<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l1ygetDhNs1qzp7lwo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/>http://zachpaez.com/post/573816795http://zachpaez.com/post/573816795Wed, 05 May 2010 09:28:00 -0700<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kyzhowZHYZ1qzp7lwo1_r1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://www.tv.com/zach-paez/person/658964/summary.html#" target="_blank">TV.com</a> screwed up my date of birth, but the rest checks out.</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/435371586http://zachpaez.com/post/435371586Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:20:27 -0800<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kwv63dinxD1qz4gsvo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><strong>The Real World: Los Angeles</strong></p> <p>Whenever anyone says the words “true story,” I always annoy the fuck out of them by singing those same words with a country accent à la Jon Brennan. True story.</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/355632852http://zachpaez.com/post/355632852Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:20:00 -0800<iframe width="400" height="299" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/BYLhUXunBQE?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>This paid my rent in 2008.  (I play Captain Ethnic)</p> <p>Thanks, Kellogg’s, for the money, and all the nightmares you’ve given to countless children.</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/257152362http://zachpaez.com/post/257152362Wed, 25 Nov 2009 10:12:00 -0800<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kpo7x0Kw0c1qzfsino1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>This should say, “Is Your Baby Wacist?”</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/183189930http://zachpaez.com/post/183189930Tue, 08 Sep 2009 16:45:00 -0700“Poker Face? I Don’t Even Know Her Face!”<br/><br/> - <em>Weird Al</em>http://zachpaez.com/post/162153315http://zachpaez.com/post/162153315Thu, 13 Aug 2009 10:10:43 -0700Abbott: Where'd you go?<br /> Costello: Verdugo.<br /> Abbott: I asked you first.http://zachpaez.com/post/119877697http://zachpaez.com/post/119877697Mon, 08 Jun 2009 03:16:49 -0700<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/P493ZZsgwo02e58aLYp0YDUio1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Even stupid gingers know it’s all about the dark haired girls.</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/114502369http://zachpaez.com/post/114502369Thu, 28 May 2009 15:16:00 -0700<p><img height="336" src="http://midlandsbiofuels.com/uploads/images/Earth-Recycle-Web.jpg" width="392"/></p> <p>Earth Day is a good day to remember the importance of recycling. But not every dirty hippie is aware that if you throw something that’s not recyclable into the bin, you risk the entire batch being shipped to the nearest dump. Here’s a short list of common items that don’t belong in the recycling bin:</p> <p><strong>Wet Paper<br/></strong>Paper fibers exposed to water are shorter and less valuable to paper mills. This includes used paper towels, licked envelopes, and licked newspapers.</p> <p><strong>Cans</strong><br/> I’m not talking about aluminum cans. You can still recycle those. I’m talking about what is more commonly referred to as ladies’ boobies.</p> <p><strong>Baby</strong><br/> What kind of monster would even think of doing this? Babies don’t go in the recycle bin, they go in the trash.</p> <p><strong>Oscar the Grouch<br/></strong>Same with a baby, this goes in the trash.</p> <p><strong>Recycle Bins<br/></strong>You can’t fit a recycle bin into a recycle bin because they’re the same size, dummy. And don’t even bother asking the recycle man to take it or this will happen:</p> <p><strong>You:</strong> Recycle this please.<br/><strong>Recycle Man:</strong> The recycle bin?<br/><strong>You:</strong> Yes.<br/><strong>Recycle Man:</strong> But it’s empty.<br/><strong>You:</strong> That’s right.<br/><strong>Recycle Man:</strong> You want me to recycle an empty recycle bin?<br/><strong>You:</strong> Yes.<br/><strong>Recycle Man:</strong> But there’s nothing to recycle.<br/><strong>Costello: </strong>Who’s on first?<br/><strong>You and Recycle Man:</strong> A GHOST!!!</p>http://zachpaez.com/post/99098093http://zachpaez.com/post/99098093Wed, 22 Apr 2009 17:45:00 -0700