Blackout Makeout

Earth Day is a good day to remember the importance of recycling.  But not every dirty hippie is aware that if you throw something that’s not recyclable into the bin, you risk the entire batch being shipped to the nearest dump.  Here’s a short list of common items that don’t belong in the recycling bin:

Wet Paper
Paper fibers exposed to water are shorter and less valuable to paper mills.  This includes used paper towels, licked envelopes, and licked newspapers.

Cans
I’m not talking about aluminum cans.  You can still recycle those.  I’m talking about what is more commonly referred to as ladies’ boobies.

Baby
What kind of monster would even think of doing this?  Babies don’t go in the recycle bin, they go in the trash.

Oscar the Grouch
Same with a baby, this goes in the trash.

Recycle Bins
You can’t fit a recycle bin into a recycle bin because they’re the same size, dummy.  And don’t even bother asking the recycle man to take it or this will happen:

You: Recycle this please.
Recycle Man: The recycle bin?
You: Yes.
Recycle Man: But it’s empty.
You: That’s right.
Recycle Man: You want me to recycle an empty recycle bin?
You: Yes.
Recycle Man: But there’s nothing to recycle.
Costello: Who’s on first?
You and Recycle Man: A GHOST!!!