Blackout Makeout

Associated Press

More like, “World’s Oldest Person Loses”

And the new winner is — that flower she’s holding.  It’s probably still alive.

Edna Parker was just two years away from being the oldest validated supercentenarian in history until she decided to give up yesterday.  “What a lazy broad,” replied Dallas McLaughlin, the Mayor of Clairemont, when asked for comment.

The thoughts and prayers of millions of Americans go out for what must be her family’s complete and total disappointment.