I made a sphere and it only took twenty triangles.

Seriously, don’t buy this, unless you want it to consume your life.

TV.com screwed up my date of birth, but the rest checks out.

Hi, I’m from The Wire, the greatest television show ever produced.  This show isn’t nearly as good, but thanks for the money.

The Real World: Los Angeles

Whenever anyone says the words “true story,” I always annoy the fuck out of them by singing those same words with a country accent à la Jon Brennan.  True story.

Incredibly Uplifting Fan-Made Mario Ad

I look forward to another three decades of this franchise, when Miyamoto creates a new controller shaped like a turtle for me to jump on.

This paid my rent in 2008.  (I play Captain Ethnic)

Thanks, Kellogg’s, for the money, and all the nightmares you’ve given to countless children.

“I’m feeling fat and sassy.”

GPOYF

I wish I could grow a mustache.

This should say, “Is Your Baby Wacist?”

Little known fact: the working title for SeaQuest was StupidQuest.

Just one of the many things to look forward to this Fall, Thursday nights on NBC.

This is indeed SNL star Will Forte’s Donkey Kong high score.  He’s ranked 42 on the Twin Galaxies website.

The cool thing is I’m pretty fucking amazing at this game and have scored higher than this many times.  I’m gonna send in a tape just to shatter Forte’s record and knock his ass down to 43.  Forte is now my Billy Mitchell.