This should say, “Is Your Baby Wacist?”
“Poker Face? I Don’t Even Know Her Face!” — Weird Al
Even stupid gingers know it’s all about the dark haired girls.
Earth Day is a good day to remember the importance of recycling. But not every dirty hippie is aware that if you throw something that’s not recyclable into the bin, you risk the entire batch being shipped to the nearest dump. Here’s a short list of common items that don’t belong in the recycling bin:
Wet Paper
Paper fibers exposed to water are shorter and less valuable to paper mills. This includes used paper towels, licked envelopes, and licked newspapers.
Cans
I’m not talking about aluminum cans. You can still recycle those. I’m talking about what is more commonly referred to as ladies’ boobies.
Baby
What kind of monster would even think of doing this? Babies don’t go in the recycle bin, they go in the trash.
Oscar the Grouch
Same with a baby, this goes in the trash.
Recycle Bins
You can’t fit a recycle bin into a recycle bin because they’re the same size, dummy. And don’t even bother asking the recycle man to take it or this will happen:
You: Recycle this please.
Recycle Man: The recycle bin?
You: Yes.
Recycle Man: But it’s empty.
You: That’s right.
Recycle Man: You want me to recycle an empty recycle bin?
You: Yes.
Recycle Man: But there’s nothing to recycle.
Costello: Who’s on first?
You and Recycle Man: A GHOST!!!
[video]
Actor Kal Penn has been hired by the White House as a liaison between President Barack Obama’s administration and Asian constituents. “Do they know he wasn’t the Asian one in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle?” said my roommate Matthew Patrick Davis when asked for comment.
I know you nerds have read dozens of Omegle chats on every other stupid tumblelog, so why should I be any different? Enjoy it:
Connecting to server…
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hi!
Stranger: what’s your name?
You: none of your business, stranger
Stranger: mine’s zach paez
You: wtf
You: how’d you know my name?
You: who is this?
Stranger: i told you.
Stranger: my name is zach paez.
Stranger: what’s your credit card number?
Stranger: mine is 4532 6014 3744 5202
You: HEY
You: THIS ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY
You: HOW’D YOU GET THAT
Stranger: good thru 07/10
Stranger: security code 279
Stranger: visa
You: WHO IS THIS?
Stranger: i told you
Stranger: i’m zachary stephen paez
You: I’M ZACH PAEZ
Stranger: i was born in concord, california. my favorite color is green. i lost my virginity at 17 to mallory stevens. and i cry every time i watch the movie charlotte’s web
You: i’ve never seen charlotte’s web
Stanger: you haven’t?
You: nope.
Stranger: yes you have
Stranger: 27 times
You: GODDAMN THIS EXPRESSIVE POKER FACE OF MINE!!!!!!!!11
Your conversational partner has disconnected.
“Hey man. Can you do me a favor and reach up there in the top cupboard and hand me that box of cookies? I can’t reach it. I’m just so lil’.” — Lil’ Wayne
Doctors can now remove a kidney through the donor’s vagina, leaving no visible scars. Except for this big one, where my penis used to be.
Yahoo news reports that 9-year-old creates iPhone hit. No, he didn’t says everyone else. The app’s not even in the top 50. And it’s free. It’s not like he’s making enough money to move out of Singapore. More like, he’s gonna stay Singa-poor. Am I right, people? The article continues on to say that Lim Ding Wen is now fluent in six programming languages, none of which are English. “This dummy should’ve tried inventing food for his face, because according to most people I know, all foreigners are impoverished and starving and smelly,” said President Barack Obama. When asked if he has plans for a follow-up, Lim says he’s not sure but it’ll probably be more boring crap that might still be impressive because he’ll be ten.
The makers of lolcats have unfortunately run out of captions for their cat photos. So for whatever reason, they’ve now decided to start writing captions for photos of their favorite murderers and named it (you guessed it) lolmurderers. Will it become every bit the meme that lolcats was? No.
None of the captions make me LOL or even remotely xD, but I do have to admit that all of these pictures are simply adorable.
Everybody remembers “where’s the beef” and “got milk.” Well, here are a few advertising campaign slogans that, for one reason or another, didn’t catch on:
“OH SHIT!”
“MMMM, TASTES JUST LIKE PIZZA”
“THE FEEL GOOD MOVIE OF THE BUMMER”
This entry is devoted to the “no” symbol and how they do more than just provide us with Ghostbusters logos. They make our lives safer. Here are a few of my favorites:
NO ARROWS ALLOWED
DON’T PEE
YOU CAN’T DRINK COFFEE WITH A FORK, DUMBASS
NO BLACKS
More like, “World’s Oldest Person Loses”
And the new winner is — that flower she’s holding. It’s probably still alive.
Edna Parker was just two years away from being the oldest validated supercentenarian in history until she decided to give up yesterday. “What a lazy broad,” replied Dallas McLaughlin, the Mayor of Clairemont, when asked for comment.
The thoughts and prayers of millions of Americans go out for what must be her family’s complete and total disappointment.
