I have to live with this floozy.
When I laugh, I make a very shrill, high pitched cackle. Sort of like Roseanne, but sans the hundreds of pounds and vagina. It can be embarrassing.
During the rehearsal of my first episode of Community I was cackling pretty hard and this annoyed Chevy. The following is my nervous exchange between myself and Mr. Chase.
Chevy: Why are you laughing?
Me: …
Chevy: You think this is funny?
Me: Yes.
Chevy: Didn’t you write this?
Me: Yes.
Chevy: Then you must think that everything you write is hilarious.
Me: Yes.
The End
He’s taller than me, so he wins.
TV.com screwed up my date of birth, but the rest checks out.
The Real World: Los Angeles
Whenever anyone says the words “true story,” I always annoy the fuck out of them by singing those same words with a country accent à la Jon Brennan. True story.
[video]
This should say, “Is Your Baby Wacist?”
“Poker Face? I Don’t Even Know Her Face!” — Weird Al
Even stupid gingers know it’s all about the dark haired girls.
Earth Day is a good day to remember the importance of recycling. But not every dirty hippie is aware that if you throw something that’s not recyclable into the bin, you risk the entire batch being shipped to the nearest dump. Here’s a short list of common items that don’t belong in the recycling bin:
Wet Paper
Paper fibers exposed to water are shorter and less valuable to paper mills. This includes used paper towels, licked envelopes, and licked newspapers.
Cans
I’m not talking about aluminum cans. You can still recycle those. I’m talking about what is more commonly referred to as ladies’ boobies.
Baby
What kind of monster would even think of doing this? Babies don’t go in the recycle bin, they go in the trash.
Oscar the Grouch
Same with a baby, this goes in the trash.
Recycle Bins
You can’t fit a recycle bin into a recycle bin because they’re the same size, dummy. And don’t even bother asking the recycle man to take it or this will happen:
You: Recycle this please.
Recycle Man: The recycle bin?
You: Yes.
Recycle Man: But it’s empty.
You: That’s right.
Recycle Man: You want me to recycle an empty recycle bin?
You: Yes.
Recycle Man: But there’s nothing to recycle.
Costello: Who’s on first?
You and Recycle Man: A GHOST!!!
[video]
Actor Kal Penn has been hired by the White House as a liaison between President Barack Obama’s administration and Asian constituents. “Do they know he wasn’t the Asian one in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle?” said my roommate Matthew Patrick Davis when asked for comment.
